Vol. 1, Issue 1, Dialogue With Younger Self

by Marie Scampini

SELF: I felt you were gone forever
           I thought I killed you
          that's the heavy weight on my shoulders
          in my belly
          I missed you all these years - I heard your whispers
          I heard the screams - I was screaming too

YOUNGER SELF:   You didn't want me
                                the way no one wanted
                                a pimply skinny girl reeking of dreams and inspiration
                                no one could handle that kind of hunger with no food
                                I was starving, I was eating out of dumpsters to stay alive
                                Why the hell did it take you so long to find me again?

SELF: I followed the illusion into the Abyss
           I was trapped too
           I wanted you - to embrace you as the child of my creation
           Flesh compartmentalized spirit unrealized - I didn't want to admit to my ugliness
           Now we're of two different generations
           I was ashamed, embarrassed - to admit we share the same DNA
           twisted and self-inuring and cruel and kind
           I'm open now - there's nothing left in the world except you
           Can you find a way to forgive me?

YOUNGER SELF: You should've learned faster!  You should've found me sooner!
                             Do you know how strong I became without you?!
                             I had to, what choice did I have?!  You left me to die
                             My heart is steel, my soul is solid platinum
                             Why would I ever forgive you?

SELF: Beause I need you now - your strength, the wisdom I denied as mine then
           Could we try to co-exist?  The wall is so thick with scars between us

YOUNGER SELF: I missed you as you walked away
                             Time taught healing... and forgiveness
                             A muscle I have not flexed
                             until now


Marie Scampini is a published poet and playwright, currently writing 1775Poemsin1775Days, to save her life, every day, on the page, at least.  She is also writing a poetry/fiction hybrid she calls “poetion” - a noir crime fiction revenge mystery entitled In the Key of Deadly aka Diamond Handcuffs & a Derringer.  Her daily poems and stories can be read on Twitter @zoeandme.