by Marie Scampini
SELF: I felt you were gone forever
I thought I killed you
that's the heavy weight on my shoulders
in my belly
I missed you all these years - I heard your whispers
I heard the screams - I was screaming too
YOUNGER SELF: You didn't want me
the way no one wanted
a pimply skinny girl reeking of dreams and inspiration
no one could handle that kind of hunger with no food
I was starving, I was eating out of dumpsters to stay alive
Why the hell did it take you so long to find me again?
SELF: I followed the illusion into the Abyss
I was trapped too
I wanted you - to embrace you as the child of my creation
Flesh compartmentalized spirit unrealized - I didn't want to admit to my ugliness
Now we're of two different generations
I was ashamed, embarrassed - to admit we share the same DNA
twisted and self-inuring and cruel and kind
I'm open now - there's nothing left in the world except you
Can you find a way to forgive me?
YOUNGER SELF: You should've learned faster! You should've found me sooner!
Do you know how strong I became without you?!
I had to, what choice did I have?! You left me to die
My heart is steel, my soul is solid platinum
Why would I ever forgive you?
SELF: Beause I need you now - your strength, the wisdom I denied as mine then
Could we try to co-exist? The wall is so thick with scars between us
YOUNGER SELF: I missed you as you walked away
Time taught healing... and forgiveness
A muscle I have not flexed
Marie Scampini is a published poet and playwright, currently writing 1775Poemsin1775Days, to save her life, every day, on the page, at least. She is also writing a poetry/fiction hybrid she calls “poetion” - a noir crime fiction revenge mystery entitled In the Key of Deadly aka Diamond Handcuffs & a Derringer. Her daily poems and stories can be read on Twitter @zoeandme.